Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
