East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
