I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
