Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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