I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
