Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
