every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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