My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
