Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
