can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
