so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
