Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
