Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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