his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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