Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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