My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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