honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't make out with my wife yet
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
