just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize