What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
