I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
