No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
