At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
