i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
