How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
