Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
