There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
