Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He did a backflip because drugs
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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