wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
