I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
