how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
