u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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