You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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