you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
