i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We are all done wearing pants today
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
