You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize