Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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