And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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