I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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