i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
