Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
