No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize