you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
someone owes me an orgasm
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
