my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
