I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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