You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
