Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
