Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Slut skills are useful in every country.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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