You smell like a Billy Joel song
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
