he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
