I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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