I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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