yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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