Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
tell me about the fingering
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