??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
