Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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