Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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