i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
