Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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