Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
