I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize