I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
