If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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