Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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