I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
