Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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